Impulses
Today I’m recognizing the importance of trusting my impulses. Too often I fall back on what is secure, what is logical. I feel it is from this that many of my missed opportunities stem.
In the heat of the moment, when the story of life is turbulently tossing about you, one is often faced with a decision: you may take the safe, accepted route or the more dangerous path of impulse. In my experience, I tend to take the route that is safe (to some degree), be this more known, moderate, or just easier. This is the path where I don’t risk any major losses; but it also happens that I don’t attempt any gains.
Now, I have never been much of a gambler –a few friendly games of poker, an occasional slot machine – and I choose this path because I won’t loose what I have earned. At times, this seems right; I needn’t worry about the tragedy of loss; but at the same time I don’t get to revel in the joy of a win.
I don’t mean for this entry to be about financial, recreational gambling; instead, I am suggesting my fear of following my impulses when I feel they contain too great a risk, may hinder my interaction with the world – with some destiny that is before me, if I would but seize it.
Yet, the fear still remains: what if I am wrong. If I am wrong I would lose; but if my impulses are correct (as I too often discover they are, after the moment), I might bask in the glorious events that emerge from my action. This can be applied (in some degree) to many events: financial gambling, romance, career choices, particular storytelling performances; and still I don’t know. When I do follow my impulses, miraculous events tend to occur – usually – there have been times when my impulsive decisions have lead to tragic conclusion, and it is those possible tragic conclusions that make me hesitate.
I suppose, in some ways, this raises the question: do I wish to “boldly go where no one has gone before, or would I rather stay in my nice, safe world where I know I will benefit in some small way, though I will also fail to grasp the massive benefits which I could gamble for.
In some ways, I am asking dangerous questions in this entry; in some ways foolish, but these are the questions that are rolling through my mind as I move toward sleep tonight, so I thought I’d share.
Best,
Lethan